worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
