Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
