Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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