I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
