yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
