Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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