id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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