I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
