bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
