any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
