it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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