help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
