She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
