And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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