Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dear god my vagina.
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