Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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