i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
