I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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