I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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