24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
