That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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