do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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