This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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