I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
