Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
