True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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