The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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