dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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