are you still at the devil's house?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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