So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
