the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
