turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize