Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
