Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
