I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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