Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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