I feel like abortions should bother me more
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize