just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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