it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just googled if crying burns calories
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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