I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
