I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
