So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
