I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
