got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize