I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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