I'm gonna have a badass scar
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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