Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize