I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
