I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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