So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
