Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize