I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
