Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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