hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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