is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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