pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Randomize
