The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
