This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
