A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
