I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
