Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
