i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
