And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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