Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
