I CAN MOONWALK!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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