You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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