don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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