We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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