U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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