Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
