Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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