Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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