Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
