I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
