So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
