the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
