To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
