Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
