I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
