If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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