The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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