Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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