Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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